As much as I am trying to keep a positive attitude and my spirits up, today was not one of my better days. It doesn't help that I am in the middle of my period - I hate being a "slave" to my stupid hormones. Men don't have to put up with this crap. (FYI, I too take daily meds for my PMDD - Prozac 10 mg - just enough to take the edge off.)
I am tired of looking for a job, tired of not having enough to keep me busy all day, tired of us being broke all the time. I swear 98% of the conversations Todd and I have are about money. I am working thru a self-help program by Terry McBride. It is helping but just not today.
I was so short on patience today. I had people in the library giving me dirty looks while I was yelling at Kate to listen to me and do what I asked. I was so frustrated with her - she will run off and I have to chase her down..again and again. I was in line to check out some library books but she would not stay put so I picked her up, which I hate to do b/c she is 30 lbs and too big to carry around. She is trying to push me away and screaming to get down. I am trying to hold on to her - ugh - it was not pretty. What are you suppose to do when the child will NOT do what you told them to? There is no way to punish her - I have no leverage - she is too young to understand taking something away for bad behavior. It has to be something immediate - like what?
Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. I will work on making it better!
This one
15 years ago
1 comment:
They have me on a few medications right now too. Mine is for Bipolar II but I am taking something else for the "edge" called Clonazepam. I know your heart must have ached and you had that ball of nerves in your stomach when she was doing that. You want to just squeeze them tight and make them stop but they just fight harder. I spend some days getting onto Zack all day (like today). Then at the end of the day I kick myself because of the message I must be sending him.
Jamie gave me some great advice... LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK. Your a great mom. Hell you do more then I could even imagine doing. You go to classes, your going back to school, you have a bright beautiful daughter, your house is ( I am sure in perfect order), your beautiful, loving, strong, and I am so jelouse of how you have found ballance in your life. I can't even get enough ooooffff to do dishes some days.
I love you very much and miss you every day. I hope you know that. LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK! We are not our mother's and we will not make the same decisions and mistakes they did. We know more!
Love you,
Rebecca
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