Me, my day, and my decision

My day has been all over the place and I realized so has my mood. I know mentally that I should be happy and strong and not let things bother me. I have a good life. My husband and daughter are wonderful and love me and I love them. I have a roof over my head and Todd and I are both employed. Still, I let things get the better of me today and it is upsetting. I feel like it was a day wasted and I just don't have time to waste a day of my life. I got upset, although not too badly, with Kate tonight b/c she kept getting out of bed. It is rare to have that problem with her anymore. I think the stress of "single-mom" five days a week is getting to me. Once again, I know I need to keep it upbeat and not let those things get me down. I want to be happier, satisfied with my life, enjoy the things I have but somehow that seems to keep eluding me.

I know once school is finished and I have that added stress out of my life, it will help a lot. With my current job situation, I am starting to question why I even went back to school. The first semester was great but after that it became a pain and stressful. I just couldn't have anticipated the situation we would find ourselves in - Todd's job loss, the moving - twice, Todd working second shift. In a way, I think I am dealing with grief. The loss of my life in Florida, the loss of our house, the loss of our standard of living....things have been moving so fast. I just don't have time to grieve. I know things are on the upward swing. Kate loves her new preschool. I know Goddard is one of the better decisions we have made lately. We plan to move to a 3 BD June/July timeframe so I can have an actual office. I've kind of given up on a new job anytime soon. The market is too bad right now. I need my degree and CPA finished and then a new job should be much easier to find.

I wish to be more thankful for what I have and focus less on what I don't have. I hope for the strength and sanity to find my way before I permanently damage myself or my family relationships. I want a happy, healthy, loving home for all of us, but especially for Kate. She is so young - she doesn't need this kind of stress in her life. Sometimes she takes the brunt of it when mommy had a bad day - I lose my patience too fast; I am impatient with her. I hate myself after. It is just so hard, day after day, night after night, doing it all alone. To her credit, Kate has been great lately. She is 90% well-behaved and that helps a lot.

Right now I need sleep and tomorrow is a new day! I promise to be happier and love my family more!

YES!YES!YES!

WooHoo - finally remembered my password. This is tied to an old, no longer working, email address. I couldn't reset my password b/c Blogger couldn't verify the old email...no kidding...it doesn't exist anymore - DuH! I am so excited...now I can blog again. Gotta get that log-in email changed so I don't have this problem again.

Long time, no chat

This summer has been crazy busy but now I have a moment to breathe. June was moving and getting settled; July was lots of Mary Kay, finishing summer school, and going to Dallas for seminar; now August I have no school until the 29th and I am caught up at work.

Any of you who know me will not be surprised that I have changed my mind (again!). I am going to finish school. I have thought about it and talked it over with Todd a bunch and feel strongly that I must see my master's degree through to the finish and see what happens. My ultimate goal is to teach accounting at the university level. It has been a vision of mine for some time now to teach. If I don't see this vision thru, I will drive myself crazy wondering "what if".

I am still working my Mary Kay business but it will be where I can fit it in. I am going to my MK meeting tonight and taking two guests with me...it should be fun!

Reading a book called The God Delusion - interesting so far...will have to see if I keep reading it. The author is an atheist and since I've always been a bit on the fence about God myself, I thought I should see what he has to say.

What is up now?

It has been a while since last I wrote. I was busy with getting ready for our move and then this last week has been unpacking boxes, getting a new driver's license, doctor for Kate, etc. The move itself was kind of long (lots of driving) but it went well. Kate was a real trooper for all the time she spent in her car seat. On day 2 of driving, we actually ate our lunch sitting on our stuff in the back of the U-haul truck in a rest area.

The apartment is great. It was very clean and new carpet. The neighbors are friendly and Kate has been making friends at the pool. Our area is full of anything you could want - two big convenient grocery stores, preschool for Kate, hair salon, nail place, and just a short drive to lots of restaurants and shopping. All my favorite things! Best of all Grandma is about 30 mins away - she will watch Kate for us this Sunday. Todd and I are going to actually get out and (woohoo) we don't have to pay a babysitter. I hope to find a nice high school girl soon to watch Kate most of the time but it is nice to have mom if we need her.

Other news - made a decision recently to ramp up my Mary Kay business again. I feel very strongly that I need to give it another shot. I would really like to earn the use of a free MK car. That would be very cool. Since I can only handle so many activities, I am taking a year off from school to concentrate on MK. I am keeping my accounting job - MK will be strictly evenings and weekends. This also helps Todd b/c he is ready to go back to school for some retraining and we can't both be in school at the same time.

Kate's first day at her new preschool, which seems like a great place so far, was Monday. Todd asks her what was her favorite part of the day at the new place. With no hesitation, she answers "eating". How funny is that? I asked her again today and this time she said "playing". I asked what was she playing with and she says "friends". I think she just loves school for all the other little kids. Mom and Dad are great but she really seems to like other people. She introduces herself to strangers, adults and children alike, all the time when we are out.

Holiday getaway, countdown to departure, and much more!

I have so many things floating around in my head that I want to get out. I can't type fast enough or remember them all once I sit down to write. We took a day and half getaway to Panama City Beach since we had an extra day off. We figured we should take Kate to the beach one last time before we leave FL. We may never come back. The next beach I would like to see is in Hawaii. This last 36 hrs was relaxing even though I did not sleep well at the hotel. The room next door was very noisy and Kate was up at 5:40 CST.

We went to Margaritaville restaurant - way TOO noise! Would not recommend to families. Plus our food took about 30 mins to come out - way TOO long when you are with a 3 yr old. However we did go past a Merry Go Round so after we ate Kate had to have a ride. Two things happened to make me upset. First of all, we had to pay for Kate and Todd ($3 each) b/c she is over 3. I told the guy "look she just turned 3 two days ago and will not ride by herself" and he said "too bad, you have to buy 2 tickets". I mean really - he couldn't let that go, not to mention I think parents having to pay at all is ridiculous. It is a kiddie ride for crying out loud - do they think parents are trying to put one over on them? Like "woohoo, I fooled them. They thought my kid wants to ride the Merry Go Round but really it is me, the 30 or 40-something". Crazy!

Second thing was small but I thought showed a "great" example of our viewpoint in this country. A man in his 30s who was there with his wife and about 2 yr old daughter actually said the following (mind you we are in a totally public area - nothing belongs to anyone) - "Man, that really pisses me off. That old lady is going to take my seat." I look around to see what he could possibly be talking about. There is a nearby bench for onlookers to watch and wait for kids on the ride. His wife and daughter were on the ride and he had to get his lazy ass off the bench to come get his wife's purse. In the meanwhile, the "old lady" (who I am sure was viciously waiting in the wings for him to move) sat down on the bench. Mind you the bench had room for at least 2 people anyway. I could not believe it - this just blew me away. First of all, it wasn't his bench and why on earth should he be angry b/c someone else sat down. Second of all, he should have gotten up to give his seat to someone older and female in the first damn place. This is the kind of guy who would make a pregnant lady stand on the bus rather than offer his seat. Hold on folks, this soapbox is almost to the finish line. This kind of "me first, only me" mentality is what has this country all messed up in the first place. Maybe, just maybe, if people thought about others once in a while, this would be a nation at peace instead of at war. Ok, soapbox is put away for now. It is safe to continue reading. :)

Kate. One word, one totally unbelievable topic. She has been really amazing lately. We are working on some behaviors and I am seeing a difference. It is very exciting. Several times now over the last week or so, she says "yes, i will do that moma" when I tell her something such as "put your shoes in your closet" or "put your socks in the hamper". It is so exciting to hear her say "yes" instead of no and then whining if we persist. Now, we still have a ways to go but it is an improvement. Also, getting her to play by herself has been very challenging. We have spoiled her so with all our attention, all the time. Saturday - twice in one day - she played by herself for 45 mins at a time! I was actually able to get some work done while she was awake. It almost felt like a miracle. She was in her room and so quiet at one point, Todd says "what is she doing?" I said "playing I think". I peeked around the corner to see where she couldn't see me and she was playing with her birthday crown and some stickers. It was wonderful.

At first I felt guilty pushing her way to play alone, but I knew it had to be done. Plus I've discovered something. It doesn't matter how much time or attention I give her, she will always want more. In fact the more attention I give, the more she demands. I enjoy her more and I think she me, when we spend a bit less time together. I believe we are all happier.

Final topic, briefly, is our countdown to leaving FL. We are at T minus 10 and counting. It is very exciting. Look out KY, here we come, ready to start over fresh and set the world on fire!

The Painted Pony and other Sunday stuff

For an early birthday celebration we took Kate to The Painted Pony farm in Monticello (see picture). It is just east of Tallahassee. She had a blast. She got 2 pony rides, a hay ride, to play in a big sand pile, to put her handprint in paint on a pony, and ice cream. She came home with a t-shirt and a $3 raffle prize that is a small pony figure that she named Charlie and is currently sleeping with. Next weekend we are going to "really" celebrate her birthday with a cake and presents and a trip to Build-A-Bear to make her own pink unicorn. I can hardly wait - I just know she will love it.

This morning we went to church, like most Sundays. We actually like the Rev. at this Unity Church better than the one we had in Palm Harbor. He is very deep in his topics and talks. He really makes you think - I like it. I just love Unity. If it weren't for Unity, I wouldn't go to any church at all. I feel I am a spiritual person and like to think of what most people call God as an all-compassing universal "power" that is in and around all of us. We are all our own God, in a manner of speaking. God is within each of us, not some being "out there somewhere" to be feared and unknowable. Religion is not the same thing as spiritual. Religions cause war and hate and fear and separate people from one another. Just my two cents for today...

My Mother's Day

We got a sitter and Todd took me out last night - that was my Mother's Day present. We had a nice dinner where we took our time and I didn't have to cut up food for Kate. Then we caught the 8:45 pm showing of Wolverine - got to love Hugh Jackman [especially when he is running off naked :)]. Crazy us - didn't get to bed until almost midnight. Of course, just our luck Kate was up at 5:40 am this morning. Todd got up with her and let me sleep until 8:30 am. After I was up for a bit he went back to bed and I took Kate to WalMart. Now that Kate is in preschool we hardly ever go anywhere together, just the two of us. She used to do all the shopping with me, when I was home all day.

We skipped nap today and took her to the Tallahassee Museum, which is oddly named b/c it was nothing like a museum by my standards. It was more like a nature preserve with a few historical things thrown in. I would like to say it was fun but, for me, it was not really a good time. I am not much of an outdoor person anyway and it was hot today, about 90. We walked around in the heat for almost 3 hrs - I was totally wiped out. It was shady in many places and we sat down for a snack twice but still exhausting for me. Kate had fun - she loved the animals we saw - there was a bald eagle, panther, snakes, and farm animals.