Me, my day, and my decision

My day has been all over the place and I realized so has my mood. I know mentally that I should be happy and strong and not let things bother me. I have a good life. My husband and daughter are wonderful and love me and I love them. I have a roof over my head and Todd and I are both employed. Still, I let things get the better of me today and it is upsetting. I feel like it was a day wasted and I just don't have time to waste a day of my life. I got upset, although not too badly, with Kate tonight b/c she kept getting out of bed. It is rare to have that problem with her anymore. I think the stress of "single-mom" five days a week is getting to me. Once again, I know I need to keep it upbeat and not let those things get me down. I want to be happier, satisfied with my life, enjoy the things I have but somehow that seems to keep eluding me.

I know once school is finished and I have that added stress out of my life, it will help a lot. With my current job situation, I am starting to question why I even went back to school. The first semester was great but after that it became a pain and stressful. I just couldn't have anticipated the situation we would find ourselves in - Todd's job loss, the moving - twice, Todd working second shift. In a way, I think I am dealing with grief. The loss of my life in Florida, the loss of our house, the loss of our standard of living....things have been moving so fast. I just don't have time to grieve. I know things are on the upward swing. Kate loves her new preschool. I know Goddard is one of the better decisions we have made lately. We plan to move to a 3 BD June/July timeframe so I can have an actual office. I've kind of given up on a new job anytime soon. The market is too bad right now. I need my degree and CPA finished and then a new job should be much easier to find.

I wish to be more thankful for what I have and focus less on what I don't have. I hope for the strength and sanity to find my way before I permanently damage myself or my family relationships. I want a happy, healthy, loving home for all of us, but especially for Kate. She is so young - she doesn't need this kind of stress in her life. Sometimes she takes the brunt of it when mommy had a bad day - I lose my patience too fast; I am impatient with her. I hate myself after. It is just so hard, day after day, night after night, doing it all alone. To her credit, Kate has been great lately. She is 90% well-behaved and that helps a lot.

Right now I need sleep and tomorrow is a new day! I promise to be happier and love my family more!