At my wit's end

I know there are probably a million reasons to not worry about this but here goes.

Kate had a terrible potty week at school. Three days this week she pooped in her pants. She stopped pooping in her diapers, for crying out loud, when she was 15 months old. We had maybe 5 poops in her diapers after that time. She asked for underwear at 23 months. When she is with us, she doesn't have accidents anymore. She pees on the potty at school just fine - UNTIL today...two pee-pee accidents at school today. One I understand b/c it was at nap time - sometimes she wakes up and just pees. The other time I don't get - she just stood in the middle of the classroom and peed like nothing was happening.

Last night and this morning I talked to her about using the toilet. She seems to understand, says "ok", etc. I asked if she wanted diapers or underwear and she said "underwear". Sometimes I wonder if the unpotty trained children at school confuse her. She will come home and say things like "I smell something. Let me check you for poop." and will try to pull the back of my pants down. She asked me yesterday if I poop in my pants - I told her "no, mommy poops on the toilet."

It makes me feel so guilty b/c it seems all school related. I know I can't just take her out of school b/c I hope to be working soon but then I wonder if we put her in school too soon. However I like her in school - I am the most sane I've been in a while (most of the time).

What do I do, if anything, to help the potty situation? I am afraid her teachers will tire of all this and ask to put her in diapers. I do NOT want to go backwards. Help!

9/11

Kate's school asked us to put the children in red/white/blue today for Patriot Day. I sent her in her 4th of July shirt - blue with a flag on it. I went to the Y and half the TVs had the memorials on. I had to stop watching and go do something else. The emotion was just too much. Hell, I get misty-eyed at Hallmark commercials - you know 9/11 stuff is going to be too much for me.

I have a friend whose birthday is today - doesn't that just suck? Speaking of birthdays, Todd's 45th is coming up and I have no idea what to get him. We leave the day after for MI so I don't want to spend too much either.

Have a list of things a mile long to do today and don't feel like doing crap. Maybe I'll feel more motivated after I shower (but I doubt it). :)

Oh, one last thing - today is World Day of Prayer. Please take a moment out of your day to pray for peace!

Busy, crazy day

Day didn't start great - know how it is when you have "bad" dreams and then wake up in a foul mood. That is how my day started. I did a 10 min presentation at my Mary Kay meeting last night and mentioned my parents. Well, last night I dreamt about them. I was who knows where, but I remember I was trying to sleep and they kept waking me up. I don't remember specifics at this point but I was so angry with them and yelling and cursing at them. My parents in turn were saying not nice things about me - basically putting me down and saying "see, how you are and you are always like that." They didn't mean it in a good way either. Yuck! I had all that crap in my head when I woke up - what a sucky way to start the day.

The interview I really wanted for the job near home - didn't get it. At least the company had the courtesy to let me know I was not selected. Back to square one - still job hunting and applying almost every day. If I don't get a job soon (by end of year), we are going to end up in foreclosure on the house or bankrupt. We are seriously broke.

On a brighter note, I started working on my classes today. I'm in for quite a bit of work including group paper/presentation. I HATE group projects, especially over the Internet - they are such a pain to organize and get everyone to do their part on time. Ok, just read over that - doesn't sound much better than other stuff I wrote. Geez - what happened to me today?

Ok, something good today - I had a great workout this morning. Been at the Y almost every morning for about six weeks now. Haven't lost any weight yet but definitely feel better and can see some muscle tone coming back.

Ooo, count down to MI trip - we leave Sat the 27th - can't wait. I've shown Kate pictures of Grandpa Luna, Uncle Gene, and Aunt Mary and taught her who they are. She can identify them in the pictures - hopefully she will recognize them when she sees them in person.

Friday!

Well, today was a better day. Kate cried again when Todd dropped her at school but once again she was fine after he left. I was very busy today between last minute school forms, cleaning up the office, balancing my MK checkbook (4 months behind), and taking Cosmo to the vet (again).

Todd worked late and so he missed dinner, bath, and bedtime. After bath and pjs, Kate finally asked where is Daddy? We called him so she could say "good night". Bath was ok except for teeth brushing - had to pin her down and she cried quite a bit.

Funny thing for the day - before dinner I guess something startled Kate and she says "Scared me out of the crap." Oh boy did that make me laugh! It is so funny when she mixes up the words in a saying she has heard.

My first online class is tomorrow. It is the start of 2 years of hard work towards my master's degree. I am very excited - I've wanted to go back to school for a while now. The career opportunities that will be available are exciting too.

Wish it were better

As much as I am trying to keep a positive attitude and my spirits up, today was not one of my better days. It doesn't help that I am in the middle of my period - I hate being a "slave" to my stupid hormones. Men don't have to put up with this crap. (FYI, I too take daily meds for my PMDD - Prozac 10 mg - just enough to take the edge off.)

I am tired of looking for a job, tired of not having enough to keep me busy all day, tired of us being broke all the time. I swear 98% of the conversations Todd and I have are about money. I am working thru a self-help program by Terry McBride. It is helping but just not today.

I was so short on patience today. I had people in the library giving me dirty looks while I was yelling at Kate to listen to me and do what I asked. I was so frustrated with her - she will run off and I have to chase her down..again and again. I was in line to check out some library books but she would not stay put so I picked her up, which I hate to do b/c she is 30 lbs and too big to carry around. She is trying to push me away and screaming to get down. I am trying to hold on to her - ugh - it was not pretty. What are you suppose to do when the child will NOT do what you told them to? There is no way to punish her - I have no leverage - she is too young to understand taking something away for bad behavior. It has to be something immediate - like what?

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. I will work on making it better!

Political - read at your own risk :)

OMG, I am flipping out over McCain's choice of Palin for VP. She is the type of politician that scares me - she is WAY too right of normal. I wasn't voting for McCain anyway - I preferred Hillary but I will settle for Obama. I never thought the VP choice was that important but I now I think - God Forbid McCain does get elected and then drops dead a year into office. We would be stuck with Palin - that frightens me! Anti-choice, abstinence-only (with preggo daughter, mind you), gun-loving hunter - just generally small-minded. And, just my own personal thing and petty I know, but she sure did pick some stupid names for her children.

I wasn't planning on getting involved at the ground level with this campaign but now I am thinking "how can I help get Obama elected?" Just voting in November is not enough any more. This country CANNOT have 4 more years of the same stupid Bush policies! All McCain and his people can talk about is war related stuff - we need out of Iraq now - never should have gotten involved in the first place. Hello??? People are losing jobs, can't pay their bills, and paying $4 for gas in non-fuel efficient cars. Think maybe we need to spend some more time and money here at home??!! Ugghh!

Ok, I must stop or I'll rant and rave all day. Going to the Y to work off some steam.

After the holiday

For the first time, Kate cried when I left her at school this morning. I knew she would be fine but it was hard to leave with her crying and saying "mommy". I think the 3 days in a row with all Mommy & Daddy all the time was too much. Saturday we took her to the beach. Sunday morning was church and she just loves Ms. Bridgitte the nursery teacher. Yesterday we took her to the pool at the YMCA.

My environmental tip for the week - stop using plastic bottles! Only about 26% actually get recycled and they take FOREVER to break down in a landfill. See this website for a great alternative - filter your own water (we use a Brita) and use this refillable stainless steel container. www.kleankanteen.com